Drowning

Holy mother of Blog, do I need to write.
It's 4 weeks (4, right?) until Mother's Day. That's always a wee painful. I've tried not to think about it, but the retreat coming up means it is getting close. I saw my first ad for Mother's Day jewelry today too, so that doesn't help the forgetting. As of Birthmother's Day, it will have been a year since I sent T the letter outlining my feeling's. No response, still.
Tomorrow I get have to go to a baby shower. It will be my first since Monkey's, a week after his birth. To say I don't expect to make it through the games is an understatement. It is a shower for twin girls, much like the shower for Monkey's little sisters that I should have been at. I can't bring myself to tell the expectant mother that I may leave in a sobbing mess because I don't want her fun diminished. She tried for a while for these babies, I am truly happy for her.
The One and I are - well stressed is putting it mildly. He is finished with school (wahoo!) but having troubles finding a job. He's gotten one offer, just awaiting the official OK on his background check. Things for him, as well as between he and I, will get much better once he is hired, I think.
My brother is laid off and unconcerned. He is first in line to get called back, but until then he plans to collect unemployment. Grand. He couldn't pass a pee test now anyway.
Mom just got a letter from the courthouse. Now I know it was nothing really, but when it came, I was super concerned. Who knows what the law wanted with her, ya know? The last thing I needed was some other thing going on here.

Yeah , I am drowning. I don't how how to hold on like this. I know I have to push through it, but at what point does it get better?
I have a whole lot of posts I need to write, about issues, about actions and about ideals. For now, though, I need to decompress.

With Love Always,
Me