Tuesday, July 5

Own your decision

Casey Anthony. Everyone has an opinion on her guilt vs innocence, and even what that means. 'Not guilty', the new rallying call goes 'does not mean innocent. It means it cannot be proven.' So it is. I will not go in depth on my thoughts of this case. (Suffice it to say she did it, there was not enough evidence to prove she did it, and those are some AMAZING, AWE INSPIRING, jurists. I think they believe she did it. I think, also, they know 'guilty' means there was concrete evidence proving such.) 
Instead, I am going in another direction, the direction that I know most closely on this case. 
Casey wanted to place Caylee at birth. She did not want to be a 'mom'. She was not ready. This is obvious now. Her parents (most sources say mom) talked her out of this decision. Adoption could have saved this precious girl's life. 
Those are facts. Blogging is not about facts. 
What I would like to say is that she never NEVER owned her decision. Yes, deciding to place (or not to place) is a hard decision. It is the hardest I have ever made, and I don't know a single birthparent who would say otherwise. I placed my son. I own that. I own the repercussions. I hate them sometimes, but I do 'enjoy' a freedom that I would not have right now as a parent. I own that. 
Casey did not 'own' her decision. She did not decide to be a mom. By not placing, she took the easy way out, bent to other people's wishes. She (italics will now be used to offset opinion masquerading as fact) denied her decision in such a way that it caused her to kill her child. 
Where are the anti-adoption crowds now with their victory party? Yes, this child was not torn from her bloodlines, the only sense of real community she could ever know. Look at what happened. Is this your victory? Tell me how you defend this being the 'right' choice.
Adoption has it's place. It has a very real place in this world. Caylee should be turning 6, in the arms of a family who wouldn't trade her for the world. Yet Casey was shamed, discouraged and ultimately turned herself away from all that adoption would entail. This, in no way, justifies the death of that little girl. NOTHING ever will. I just don't understand why motherhood, every day motherhood, is the fall back when even SHE knew she was not prepared.  
I sincerely wish no ill, nor guilt, upon Casey's parents. I understand that parents (grandparents) also have a hard road to walk when it comes to a child being placed. Being a mom, however, is just not something that you can talk someone into. It's a decision. A decision someone must own. 
I never could have killed my son, not for any reason, but I see many similarities between her and I. We are close in age, our children (eh, well...) close in age as well. Neither have particularly made it far in life, no defined direction yet. I know that no matter how bad, adoption has enriched my life. I just wonder who she would be had she made the decision she was headed for, and owned it.

Adoption needs a champion, a front lines been there champion. Maybe this case can shed some light on it. Maybe Caylee's death will be not in vain. 

RIP Angel Child. 

With Love Always


  1. I so, so agree. I feel like Casey's parents enabled her for her entire life and she never had to accept responsibility or really "grow up". I don't know if the abuse allegations or true or not, so I'm just using the information I have seen on the news. She was in denial of her pregnancy until 7 months, and when she had Caylee her parents picked up the heavy lifting, it seemed. They provided clothing, shelter, financial help. Casey enjoyed the fun parts but didn't seem like she wanted to be a parent at all. And that poor little girl paid the price.