Saturday, July 30

Hey There

I know, I have been vanished for a little bit. I've been busy. Super busy. I am behind on everyone's blogs.I hope to catch up tomorrow.
What have I been up to? Well, the important thing is having a blast.
And setting myself up for heartbreak (isn't that just one of my favorite habits?).
There is a new guy (see favorite habits) whom I wasn't very impressed with at first. He had baby mama drama. Not my thing. Not even close. He is a sweet guy. He -- well, we are a good team. I don't really know what to make of him yet, but he has handled his baby mama drama.
So why am I setting myself up for heartbreak? He has a 2 year old. That adores me. That I have fallen in love with. That is bringing up all sorts of adoption pain. I am doing a good job of hiding it, but Phil knows I am hurting. He knows sometimes I have to walk away and get myself back together. I am trying to go slow. I am doing good at that with Phil, but G( the kid) is another thing.
I am going to need you guys to hold me when this does not work. G goes back to his mom tomorrow, I am gonna miss him. Chat Monday. I will need you.
Because G looks like what I imagined B would at that age -- blond hair, bowl cut, chubby walk...THIS IS HOW A HEART BREAKS.

Oh, yeah. Phil and I were discussing last night exactly how I should proceed in this, for G's sake. Ya know what he asked me? To NEVER treat G like he was anything less than my own.

Be still my heartbroken soul.

This birthmom gig isn't for the faint of heart.

I am avoiding G's bedtime before I head back over. It almost broke me last night. Nap time was hard, but I napped with the lil guy.

I love you B. No one will ever replace you. There is a hole in my heart in exactly your shape. I feel like I am doing you wrong by loving another child.

But have no fear. I will always love you, fiercely. Deeply. With everything I am.

With Love Always

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