Sunday, July 17

Open Adoption Roundtable #27

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be listed at Open Adoption Bloggers to participate or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points--please feel free to adapt or expand on them.

Write a response at your blog--linking back here so your readers can browse other participating blogs--and link to your post in the comments here. Using a previously published post is fine; I'd appreciate it if you'd add a link back to the roundtable. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

Write about a first meeting.

After much thought, I have decided to write about my first meeting of another birthmom. 
I knew birthmoms, online anyway, for several months before I met one in person. It was easy for me to believe that we were so rare, such an odd breed, that online was the only way I would ever know a birthmom. This was back in my naieve days, when I still thought that only those people were birthmoms, and that I must be one of those people. I've come a long way batman.
I was in the BirthmomBuds Monday night chat one night and Heather virtually cornered me. She messaged me and asked where in Wa I was. Amazing that I met someone online who lived    less than 20 miles from me. She then told me about our local support group (that I now love) and invited me to their next meeting. 
They have meetings Thursdays at 7. I was super nervous because I did not get off of work until 715 and I hate being late. I knew I could not be there until 7:30 and I would be in my horrid work uniform. Would these girls (who, in my mind, were now a clique) accept me? Would they scorn me for being late? What if I did not fit in?
That first Thursday came around and I was super nervous. I did what I needed to do at work to get out as early as I could and headed out -- butterflies in my stomach. I sped to the meeting location, nervous and excited. After I parked, I did not know what to do. I sat there, debating driving away, and closed my eyes. I owed it to B to be OK with his adoption, to seek support wherever I could get it. Deep breath, and in I went. 
Except not. The door was locked. Was this my sign to turn and run? I thought about it, another deep breath and I rang the doorbell. My stomach flipped. My heart stopped. Someone answered, asked me if I was there for group. I dont know what I stammered in response, but they showed me where the other birthmoms were. For the first time ever, I was amongst others with the same 'secret' as me. 
To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I was terrified. I was not as pretty as these women, not dressed in any way that should have me out in public. I was not LDS (this is a LDSFS group). I was late. In ten minutes, though, I was one of them. Heather was funny and outgoing and intelligent. I dont remember who else was there the first day, I know Tawnia and Tara were. Megan maybe? (I miss Megan, if anyone didnt know). I just know that the LOVE, the understanding in that room was immense. 
I went from being scared to yearning for another meeting in all of ten minutes. I recommend a support group to all of you, for whatever 'secret' you have (within reason). 

With Love Always

(Forgive me if this post didnt make much sense. Fighting a migraine and not focusing well!)

1 comment:

  1. Oh this is such a great post......I felt awkward and almost bailed on the first time I went to a birthmother support group. I left feeling like I finally had some kindred souls who "understood". Like you I had no idea what "those women" would be like and was very humbled to find out that they were the strongest, most intelligent, amazing women ever!