Friday, June 17

The World Keeps Changing

T. T has apparantly changed her mind about this all being closed. Or something. I havent heard from her yet. E confronted H at work Thursday. H said that things were fine, that T was going to write me back from my letter. I am not holding my breath. T went to the Dr. about her depression, I guess. Thankfully. H has read my letter to him, E showed it to him from his phone.
I guess now the waiting starts again. Yipp-ee. Or something. I don't know. Yesterday was hard on me. Harder than I expected. I should be happy about this. I should be elated. Instead I am reminded that I am at their mercy. No matter how they treat me, I cannot turn my back on them.Oh I hate being up against a wall.
So now what? Do I initiate contact? Do I wait for her? Can I be angry with her -- is that ok?
And yet I am thankful. According  to H there are still pictures of E and I up in their house. They would never let B forget who his 'parents' are. This hurts as much as it feels good. I just want to scream that we are not his parents, that maybe when they realize this things will get better between the four of us. We are his bio parents, but every day? That's them. I wonder if they will ever be ok with that.
Here's hoping.
With Love Always

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