As most of you know, the boyfriend joined the military today. Yippee, or something. In actuality, I am hertbroken and conflicted. I am, and have always been, a lover, not a fighter. Yeah, I know we are the world police and we need soldiers to accomplish that. I know that our soldiers risk their lives every day for our safety. They truly are heroes.
Except, well, loving a soldier was supposed to happen to SOMEONE else! I have been adamant for years that I would never date a soldier. I just am not that person. But why do I think everyone else should sacrafice for my safety? Why do I feel that I am somehow 'weaker' than these other people? I've never really stopped to think about that, not until it suddenly smacked me in the face.
Do I owe it to my country to support its troops? To love and treasure one of them unconditionally? This is a country that has afforded me opportunity that I never would have gotten otherwise, and I understand that. I am allowed to be me, unconditionally, because of the country in which I live, because of the soldiers that risk and have lost their lives to protect my freedoms.
Like the freedom to love whom I chose and live my life as I see fit. I don't want to turn away when he puts on that uniform, but I fear that I will. I grew up without my father around. I want my kids to know different. I wrote a letter today telling Chris that I cannot do this, but it is a letter I will never send. i will try. I will fight for this, for as long as I can. I just do not expect my fights to amount to much -- and never an answer really to whom my loyalty lies with more.
With Love Always