Easter is one of the holidays that drags my heart down now. For me (who is not religious) it is such a kid-centered holiday. C (the new BF) spent the day with me, but he could tell I was kind of off. I tried to explain it to him, but there is no way to make him understand really. T sent me a picture (of a picture) Saturday of B and the other kids with the Easter bunny. That picture did more to anger me than anything. I just do not understand her. Maybe she is trying to keep me updated on B, but not have contact? Why not just mail me a copy of the picture?
I did not respond to her. I just don't know what to say, and all of the things I was thinking were mean. I just want to understand, to be equal to her in her eyes, but I do not think that will ever happen. She gets to be 'Mom of the year' and I get to be the woman that allowed it to happen (she got the foster kids bc she was afraid our adoption would fall through, so even that is related back to me somehow) and yet I get left out. Welcome to my silly life.
Then on Easter, T's mom posted a picture on FB of all of her kids & grandkids. That made me genuinely smile. It wasn't a stab at me. It wasn't some strange mixed signal. It was just her showing off her family. They are such an eclectic mix of heritage. And, of course, my kid was the only one shoving candy in his face. <3.
So all in all? I moped around for Easter. I made cupcakes. I cried, but I didn't let anyone see. I am working on forgiveness.
With Love Always
P.S. Go here. Tell her thank you for getting it!