Saturday, April 30


I am spending my weekend with the Birthmom Buds (well, some of em) at their annual retreat in NC. I love it. I love these ladies. I love the 'family' that we are. I love listening to everyone, their stories, how we all are different and so much alike. I needed to be here. We have had several 'breakout sessions' that have me thinking. Forgiveness was the topic of one, and it inspired me a bit. I need to forgive T, but not for her benefit. For mine. I need her to forgive me, for my own good and for the good of B. I need to take steps to put myself back into B's life, whatever form that may be in. As such, I have written a letter to T. If you would be kind enough to read it and help me edit it, that'd be awesome. I would LOVE (need! want!) feedback from adoptive moms. Am I headed in the wrong direction with all of this? Does this letter say anything insulting? I am working on not insulting her but being more open with her.

I know that you said you want no communication from me, but I cannot just let our relationship end at that. You have a piece of my soul that I would rather not lose due to a misunderstanding on our part. I am very sorry that you ever got the opinion that I would ever "steal" your baby. That was never, and will never be, my intention. 
I respect you as his mother. I am not sure how I have failed to show you that. From the moment he was born, even before, I tried my best to step back and let you make the decisions for and about him. You chose his name, his doctor, the rules he lives by and so much more. I hope one day to forgive myself and to gain your forgiveness for failing Blake by causing you to lose faith in me.
I need to know what you want from our relationship. You have already gotten everything I have to give you. All I ask of you is the ability to know Blake and trust in the family that I chose for him. I never wanted to regret placing him with you and H. Please help me not to.
With Love Always, 
Am I overstepping something? Saying something wrong? Is this letter completely off  target? I do not blame myself for T's reaction to whatever was going on in her head by any means, but I do feel I failed my son by not fighting her decision more.
There will be more blogging about this weekend, maybe from the airports tomorrow.

With Love Always

1 comment:

  1. I dont feel as if you are overstepping anything! I feel as if the letter is on target! I hope it is received well by T. T should feel awful for making you feel this way.. sadly I think it is all on her! <3 you!