Thursday, April 14

If I Could Write A Letter To Me

If I could write a letter to me:
[Scene: 17 years old, HS senior, under the stairwell every morning with people that will forever change your life]

These moments? savor them. You will always want to go back to these times. You will never have a group of friends so clearly defined and loyal again. that is ok.
yes, he is cheating on you. with her. Trust the best friend when he tells you this, and dump the boy. it will change your whole future.
graduate, get a good job, and get blake out of his house. His stability depends on it. otherwise, he will go through many failed relationships looking for a place to run. You will realize, soon enough, that people like him are invaluable and fragile.
Looking back, from 25's viewpont, things will hurt. You will have a son that you will not raise. Pick a different family for him. That boyfriend? he will destroy you, but it's ok. You will learn to pull yourself up, find faith in your own heart. You are beautiful.
Kiss more boys. Kiss more girls. keep track of the number of people you have slept with, sometimes it matters. DO NOT date married men. That one ends kinda painfully for both of you. Move to Seattle. Don't bother trying to leave. That guy that you never pay much attention to? Pay attention. He will win your heart eventually, and he has the patience to help you build yourself back up.
The Step-dad really does love you, he just doesn't know how to show it. He has his own demons to slay, cut him a bit of slack. Do not let him destroy you, though. In fact, kick all of the worthless people out of your life. It will take years before you realize how many bad ones you have surrounded yourself with. Mom is trying. She will eventually leave Step-dad, but never learn to love herself.
Call Grandpa. He doesn't have too much time left. In fact, when you move to Seattle, you will sleep in his room. Tell him you love him. Write him letters, he will treasure them. Grandma is a lost cause.
Stop cutting now. It is a habit that is hard to break. Hold Blake's hand when he goes through hard times. He is fighting it too. Ashes turns out to be pretty cool. Forgive her for sleeping with the boyfriend. He isn't worth the fight (in fact, if you don't leave him, he tries to kill you. RUN!).
Yes, high school sucks. Remember, you are BEAUTIFUL, inside and out. Dad doesn't come back. Grieve this now. It does not need to haunt you forever.
Most importantly, love yourself. You will soon learn that YOU are the only person YOU can depend on. That is ok.
What I wish to tell you most is that no matter what heartache you go through, life gets better. Embrace it and love it.

1 comment:

  1. I wrote a similar letter to myself on my blog last year ( and it felt so GOOD to say all of the things I wish I had known back then. I admire you for doing this. You letter is absolutely beautiful.