Sunday, March 20

I am trying

I started this post as something completely different, but then someone said something to me and I needed to react in a place that would not hurt them.
We were discussing what my role in B's life may (or may not) be when I move and my fear that I might be shut out. His answer was 'Well you're the strongest person I know you will get through this and whatever happens does have a reason and something good will come out of it.'

No. Hold the bus. There is NO reason for me to be shut out of the life of my B. None. Trying to placate me and say something like this is ridiculous. Something good will come out of it? Really? What good will come of me not being in his life? Anything? I can't think of a single thing. This friend is really really close to being cut out of my life. I am scared enough already, I cannot deal with stupidity. Just this one response has me nauseous. Maybe not being in his life would be a good thing for him?

I am already at a point where I do not want to move anymore. I would rather be here, head in the sand, than there so close but so far. Maybe I am just scared for nothing. I hope I am just scared for nothing. Being a birthmom is hard.

With Love Always


  1. Yes, being a birthmom is hard. I'm actually blogging about the reasons I don't like the idea of contact agreements being legally enforceable this week on BirthmomBuds (if I can get it how I want it). He shouldn't have said that to you just to placate you, which you know is why he said that (and if it's who I think it is, it might be a good idea to cut him out anyway, but that's a different subject). You ARE strong, but that's beside the point. It doesn't make what you think you might be facing any easier. It doesn't make the impending move easier. It doesn't make the possibility that you could be cut out of your B's life easier - in fact, it might make it harder (thinking that you're strong and can "deal with it."). I wish I had something to say here that could make it all better, but you know I don't. Just know I'm here for you and I'm praying and hoping for the best outcome possible. Love you girl.

  2. Wasn't actually anyone you know! J -- I am slowly cutting him out, but you know the reasons for that (other than the obvious!)