Tuesday, February 8

My relationship with T

I have many awesome friends in the adoption world. Many. I have been talking to one tonight about Birthmom day, moving and lots in between. She has made me think that maybe I need to be the one to work on my relationship with T.

Sometimes, I forget that neither of us are experts on this adoption journey. T has been a mom in open adoption exactly as long as I have been a birthmom in one. In many instances, I have more adoption support than she does. I am as scared as she is, and she is probably as scared as I am. She may feel as much guilt for 'taking' my(sic) Blake as I do for not being able to raise him. She loves him in ways I will never know, and I love him in ways she will never experience. That is ok.
We have become distant lately. I believe it is because 5 kids are a lot, and twins are a handful anyway, much less micropremies. Because I get most of my picture updates from facebook, I know her lack of pictures is not anything to do with me but an issue she is having all together. I am always anxious for her call. I wonder, though, could she be anxious for mine? I have never thought of it that way before.  She has never seemed annoyed or too busy for my call, even when things are hectic. I believe, in my heart of hearts, that I am truly family in her eyes.
It has been far too long since I called. Last time, it was to discuss her issues with Erik, and that I had no bad feelings toward her and H either way. I wonder if she knows that I long for pictures? I have never once told her that I do. I cannot expect her to be psychic. I must remember that. Somehow, this revelation make me want to cry.

With Love Always



  1. This is an AWESOME post. Truly. And I'm so glad that you got this insight from our conversation tonight. I will remember this post when I struggle with thinking that the relationship efforts should all come from Makayla's parents and not from me. Thank you!

  2. So very well said. Tell her you want the pictures! (Nicely, of course.) Coming at this from the other side, I struggle sometimes with sending pictures to Aidan's birthmom when she hasn't specifically asked. I always fear that she's having a rough time with it that day or whatever and I'll make her feel worse, or pour salt in a wound. You're right, she's new at this too! But I'm sure she'd love for you to open up to her a bit more. If she still doesn't send them, then you know there's an issue. If she does, then you know it was innocent. :)

  3. I have a lot to tell her in the next month, so let's hope I can get some pictures! I mailed his valentine's day card today. It is a conveniently timed reminder of my love for him!

  4. I love how your worded this and how you feel! Updates are one of the hardest and best parts of being a birth mother. Im so glad that you and T are on fb together!!
    I know my adoption situations are so odd to put it lightly... but when Lillian's mom use to text.. my heart would POUND just like it did when she was still pregnant. My relationship with Cody's mom isn't anymore... It was great at one point before his fifth Birthday. But what Im thankful for is that other a-mom's like T do things like this for you/other birth mothers!!Gives me hope that maybe our situation will maybe change! Lillian's mom and Cody's mom are all family in my eyes!! Hugs babe!