Dreams

Now that you guys have some of my baskstory down, I get to talk about adoption in a million different ways! Tonight, I shall start with how it was always (sort of) a dream of mine.
I was tweeting with a good friend (Hi Steph!) and fellow birthmom this evening about how people never have any clue what to say to infertile women. I joked and said " I am deeply sorry, so much so that I donated a child to the cause." She knew I was joking, but there is a bit of history there.

From the time I was little, I always wanted to be a surrogate. Something deep inside me always feels the need to give. I knew there were people who could not have children, and I was certain I would be able to help them. I never imagined the emotions that would or could go into it.

Sidenote: Surrogacy and adoption are different in a million ways. In surrogacy, the woman intentionally gets pregnant with someone else's child (usually) and intends to give that baby up even before conception. Adoption is almost always a solution to an accidental pregnancy. That is the most superficial difference.

When I became pregnant, I thought "Oh! I can make my dream come true now!" How wrong I was. Though I know I did what was right, I would never call that heartbreak a dream come true. The feeling that I let B down, that my family has lost a member they still long for will never go away. That was not part of any dream I could ever have. Making someone else's dreams of being a parent come true is an amazing, empowering, beautiful thing. Breaking my heart to do it was worth every second. I still intend to be a surrogate in the near future, but it will only be for someone who means the world to me.

I can't feel that pain again for a stranger, no matter how dearly I love H & T

With Love Always

Me