Monday, December 5


Well hello dear friends, I know I have been gone for a while. Life gets hectic, yaknow? Had a wonderful weekend with The One and Sugarbutt. Was convinced at a Christmas party for a company that I used to work for to re apply. Bid a dear, dear friend good luck and adoo. It was a long, awesome, horrible weekend.
I need advice. Yup, again. The One's mother is having issues with how I take care of SB, which has lead me to decide I will no longer discipline him or watch him. This is the wrong answer.
Backstory: The weekend before Thanksgiving we had SB. The One lives with his mom, dad and brother. SB, thusly, stays there when we have him. The One's mother (now to be GMA) tends to be domineering in the parenting of SB. If we go out to eat, she insists on helping SB eat, if we are at home she has issues with what he is/isnt allowed to do. That's just how she is and I have kind of learned to take it. That weekend (the one before turkey day) I watched SB Fri and Sat nights since The One was working. Fed him, bathed him, put him to bed, sent him to time out, whatever. I did it. GMA likes to go out, so it freed her up. Yippee, right? Except no. I told SB to stop doing something when he wasnt listening to GMA and she got angry. We then went out to breakfast (pamcakes, as per tradition) and I took responsibility for SB in an effort to let her eat and because I had been in mom mode all weekend. This also offended/made her angry. (She complains about having to take care of him, which is why I stepped in.)
Thanksgiving, we had SB. I let her feed him, take care of him, whatever, in an effort to mend whatever I had broken by parenting SB. I guess it did no good.
This past weekend, we had SB. When The One and I are both around,he does most of the parenting because he is dad. Makes sense, and I let it be that way. SB has hit the terrible threes and developed quite the demanding, bratty attitude. We are working to change this. Sunday morning SB was up at 6AM (his favorite time of day, I suppose) and was all attitude. Whatever we told (or even asked) him to do, he replyed 'I dont want to' or 'I dont like it'. When someone tells you to, oh, I dont know, wash your hands, neither of those answers will do. About 9 o'clock, The One was in the bathroom and I had SB duty. Everyone else in the house was asleep. Not a big deal, really. SB started running in circles, as he is apt to do. I told him to stop as everyone was asleep and running tends to be loud. He stopped in his tracks, looked me in the eyes, stomped his foot and said 'I dont want to'. To time out he went, the whole way there screaming 'I dont want to.' Well, no crap. That's why it is a punishment.
GMA got up and came into the room to ask why he was in time out. I knew she would, as she questions all of my decisions. I explained it to her, and she told me that if he didnt want to eat his breakfast, I should not make him. This had nothing to do with his breakfast and he ate about an hour before this while escapade. GMA went back to bed. The One came out of the bathroom to ask why SB was in time out and I explained it again. 'Ok, that's what I would have done,' he said.
GMA got up again and came into the room, angry. She would not say what was wrong, only that '[WE] didn't want to know'. Aye Ye ye. Finally she says she doesnt understand why he is in time out. I explained the situation again, and she huffed at me and had an attitude. 'If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to'. Yeah, ok. He is 3. Sometimes he has to do/not do things that make him unhappy. I left.

So here I am. I don't know what to do. Do I continue to parent SB and deal with her attitude about it? Do I stay away when SB is there? Do I still come around but not enforce the rules? I know that having a conversation with her is out of the picture -- she already things I am a shit parent BC of Monkey. Her first response would be 'How can you take care of SB when you gave your own son away?' I would hate to punch her.

Help guys. What is the answer? I don't want to avoid SB as I love him dearly. I don't want to avoid The One's family since they will be my in-laws. I just know that my parenting SB is not allowed because he did not come from my vag, and that's unacceptable to me. I know that every decision I make there with reguards to SB, I have 4 sets of eyes watching. The pressure is immense. The disapproval is unnecessary.

With Love Always

1 comment:

  1. Oy vey. First, you have every right to parent SB. The One gave you permission, AND you ARE STILL parenting Monkey. Yes, you are not raising him, but you did NOT give Monkey away. I know GMA won't see it that way, but supporting Monkey's parents in THEIR parenting of Monkey is still a parenting decision. I don't think that backing off entirely is a good decision. It's not going to be possible because The One IS in your life and therefore his son is too. Some of this will be fixed, I think, when you guys are able to get your own place and GMA won't be around every weekend you have SB. It may help GMA get some healing space too, as she obviously needs some. I'm thinking that she feels robbed because The One probably let her be "mom" when SB was there before you ever came around, and now he's given her role to you. She has to split her roles again and realize that being GMA and being "mom" don't work. She can't be both. She wouldn't be "mom" to SB if The One was with anyone else either, even if it wasn't bio-mom. Anyway, you asked for advice. I say back off when you can, but don't do so completely. If she needs to be "mom" when SB is around, let her when it's appropriate. I would also strongly suggest that The One needs to tell GMA that he's given authority of SB to you when SB is in his custody (if he has already, he needs to reiterate it again). It's not going to help to hear it from you. I hope that helps at least a little. Love you. *hugs*