But I really really need your help.
Here I sit, staring at the computer screen, not even knowing where to begin. My mother is slipping into senility. Maybe it’s not senility. Maybe she has smoked her brain away. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know how to begin to get her the help she needs.
I knew this was coming. Mental illness, specifically mental decay, runs in my family. I expected this, but maybe sometime in 10 years. Mom is not even 50. She should still be mentally sound, and she is sometimes. Then there’s the times when it has become obvious that she is slipping away – her need to show me the toilet paper she used to clean herself, rearranging the fridge at 4 in the morning, spending money she doesn’t have.
The weed has become her life. She lives in a constant haze, floating from one high to the next. Her only income now, after several jobs that dwindled away, comes from selling her ‘medical’ marijuana. Suddenly, my house, the house that my grandfather owned, the house he died in, is her ‘business’. Business is not booming, but I fear that one day it will. By living there, knowing this is happening, I am in danger if any legal action happens. Sadly, my brother has more to lose than I do. He is a recovering felon and (unwillingly) running her drugs for her. He has a heart of gold and doesn’t want to see mom starve.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get her help. She has reached the point where neither my brother nor I are willing to keep going like this, but cannot turn our backs on her. She thinks she is fine, sees no issue. Where do I turn? She seems (to the naked eye) stable enough that no one would grant me medical custody (or whatever it’s called) of her. She’s not ill enough for any sort of nursing care, yet she (in all seriousness) refers to the dog as my brother’s girlfriend.
I wish I could untangle her mental decline. I wish I knew how much was genetics, how much pot. I don’t. I never will. She believes the weed is helping her, but I am (and have been) watching her become reclusive, paranoid, stupid. I feel so outnumbered by her demons; outnumbered and exhausted