Anyone that follows me over on the Twitters knows I am kind of juggling a lot of emotional bean bags right now. I’ve been a bit busy lately, hence the blog silence, but it’s time to break the silence.
Boyfriend has decided he wants to get hitched. This makes me happy, exceedingly so. Except that today makes 3 months that I have known him, way too soon for me to make any life changing choices. We are great together, Sugarbutt and I are awesome together, but who’s to say it won’t wear off in 6 months? It’s just a little odd that the more Boyfriend drinks, the more he wants to talk about getting married. I think the alcohol is just his excuse to not have to feel odd saying it, because he will bring it up the next day too. So there’s that.
Useless is proving how much I do not want him in my life. He has another child on the way. I’m not sure if that hurts more to type or infuriates me more. He hasn’t seen B since B was 2 months old. Four fucking years he has avoided B. Now, he plans to raise this kid. Good for him, except what the hell? I haven’t allowed myself to cry about it yet, but I know the tears are coming. I certainly need to write a letter to B to give to him later about all of this. Oh, and the way Useless told me? He asked if I was pregnant ‘because he saw a picture of me and my shirt looked big’. Thanks. When I told him no, he said , ‘I am going to be a dad again’. Obviously he is already a dad, right? NO! Oh, but he did call me last week to tell me he would be ok with it if I moved back to Va and (presumably) with him.
I get to babysit Sugarbutt this Friday. When I have ridiculous questions, my Twisters, you guys are gonna be around to answer them, right? I’ve never, never babysat a kid before. I don’t know how to wipe his butt or make his dinner or…*hyperventilates* I can do this.
Oh, and the big one. I almost forgot this one. I am in the process of screening to donate a kidney. It is all very tentative right now, but I cannot find a good reason not to do it. I have 2 , this particular person needs one, so why not?
Yeah, so someone pass the xanax and sleepy time pills. I am stressin over here.
With Love Always,
Me
Yes, you have joined the circus. And yes, your Twisters will be there for any "stupid" questions. Don't feel stupid asking them either. I'm so glad you get some one on one time with Sugarbutt! <3 I think you're right about the boyfriend - he's only using the alcohol to camoflage the fact that he feels stupid & scared bringing up talk of lifetime commitments after only 3 months of dating. Some people know in 24 hours and have stayed together for more than 50 years as a result. I'm not telling you to get married tomorrow, but don't automatically assume that you'll know in another 6 months either if you don't know if you want to marry him now.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way he does, the enormity of it is a bit scarry though. Friday I am counting on you guys. I have no idea what to do, but its only 3 hours and I will get through it.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome for always being supportive. Thanks Mo!
You are going to ROCK the babysitting gig, silly! You already know him well enough to handle anything that comes your way. :)
ReplyDeleteUseless... eh, kinda want to punch him in the balls right now. Ugh.
You are the most amazing, giving person. Who just gives a kidney like that?! YOU DO!! <3