This, x100

Yes, I stole this from a Facebook group. Sue me. It is perfect.


What I Wish my Child's Adoptive Mother Knew

Author: Monique R. Despres

I wish she knew, especially when it gets hard, that no matter what, the birthfamily is family, and that (unfortunately at times!!) you can't make your family disappear.

I wish she knew how much I care about honoring her family, and how hard it is for birthmoms to speak up because they fear disrupting the family they so wanted for their child.

I wish she knew how hard it is to put so much faith in a stranger and to realize that the only chance we ever had to decide what is best for our children was the day we signed the papers, because from now on YOU get the final say.

I wish she knew that I did put my faith in her and I trust her to put the child first.

I wish she knew that I can never replace her in our child's heart, even if I have a relationship with that child.

I wish she knew that I don't want to replace her, that I want her to be mom.

I wish she knew that even though it's what I want, that it still hurts, but that my hurt is not a threat to her.

I wish she knew that my intention was not to pass the burden to someone else, but rather to allow my child to be raised by someone who was prepared for the challenge. Parenting is hard work. I know that.

I wish she knew building a family by adoption is not the same as building a family by giving birth and that I honor her pain but hope she is able to move past it.

I wish she knew that I am willing to work through my own pain of not being able to parent my child, but not to pressure me to do so at any given pace.

I wish she knew how much a phone call from her can mean.

I wish she knew that the reason I sometimes call our daughter "my daughter" is not out of disrespect but a way of acknowledging my child.

I wish she knew that when I call her "ours" it doesn't mean I want to co-parent or that I am trying to diminish her role.

I wish she knew how difficult adoption language can be.

I wish she knew that the hate filled birthmoms do not represent all birthmoms.

I wish she knew that I always remind myself that the hate filled adoptive moms do not represent all adoptive moms.

I wish she knew that visits are not a perk to me or a gift that she gives me, but rather a gift both of us can give our child.

I wish she knew how much it matters to me that my daughter never feels I abandoned her.

I wish she knew that when I cut off contact it may sometimes mean that I don't want to intrude.

I wish she knew the value of an invitation.

I wish she knew that I don't expect her to carry the whole burden of keeping in touch, just to remember that I often feel afraid.

I wish she that I can help her answer the hard questions.

I wish she knew how VERY MUCH I want to support her.

I wish she knew that I CHOSE her because I admired her and thought she could give my child so many things that I could not and what positive things that says about her.

I wish she knew how hard it is to accept that I couldn't provide for my child.

I wish she knew that I also have something to offer the child, but that what I have to offer doesn't undermine her role.

I wish she knew that we are so much stronger together than we are apart.

I wish she knew that including me only makes her family more complete.

I wish she knew that she doesn't have to be afraid of me.

I wish she knew that we are afraid, too.

I wish she knew that I will always do whatever I can to respect and honor her as the mom.

I wish my child's adoptive mother knew, above all, that I love her.

With Love Always

Me