I met her. My heart broke and cheered and healed (albeit not a whole lot) all at one.
She is beautiful.She looks just like her mom. I can hear her mom's voice echoing in hers. Holy tomatoes.
It took all of my strength to go. I did NOT want to be at hempfest. I had a four hour long panic attack. She was supposed to meet us there at 11:30, but due to traffic (and life, really) she wasn't there until 2. I was worn out already, from the panic, the heat, the people. I told her where to find me, what I was wearing and when her eyes finally caught mine, it was all I could do not to cry. I hugged her, I did not want to let go.
We walked around, we talked (mostly about the past), laughed and felt like...well, like old friends. Mostly we sat and looked at the water, reminiscing about things most people would never remember. She met Phil, I met her bf. Both were kind (respectful) enough to give us our space. There was no pressure, no awkwardness, no anything. It was peaceful. Remarkably so.
We haven't talked since, but I think it is more a matter of timing than anything. I cannot believe the amount of normal that our meeting felt like.
The boys deserve some credit. A lot, really. Phil sat with me when the waiting got to be too much, when the panic was at full force. There was no pressure (well, except they would not let me chicken out). It was my day to shine, to cry, scream, vent, relive and remember. I got to choose when we left. They both knew (Phil and my bro) that I was uncomfortable there, so they did what they could to make it better, reasonable.I probobly sat and stared for two hours, Phil right by my side.
I did not watch her leave. When we decided it was time to go, her and her boyfriend walked us half way to the exit, hugged me, and they walked the other way. I could not bring myself to turn around and watch her go. Not again. There will be time spent rebuilding a friendship, a thousand words that are still to be spoken, but it feels so right to have her back.
With Love Always