I have been absent for a few days, and I have news.
T finally got an adoption lawyer. This is good (right?). She is on the path of finalizing. I found this out, however, through a text asking for my address so she could have it for the lawyer. There was no 'hi' or 'how are you'. After she got the info, there was still no conversation. WHO are you and what have you done with my son's amom that I knew? Can I have her back?
Which leads me to this. I am very very very very close to calling the move off. I cannot be there and not be in his life. I don't even know that my constant presence would be good for him. He does need to know that I love him, that I wanted him more than I could ever express, but he also needs to not have me 'intruding' into his life. I don't want this move to be like the boy that cried wolf, to have everyone say 'told ya so'. I have had so many awesome people come out of the woodwork here that I do not want to leave. I realize life in Va has moved on without me. Blake does not NEED me. He needs my love, he needs my support but he does not need me.
On the other hand, I miss Va. I miss my friends there. They are not replaceable. I am missing out on Blake's life. I can never get a day that I miss with him back. Oh, and I have 24ish hours to decide what to do.
With Love (And Chaos, apparently) Always