I am staying, at least for now. I am just not as emotionally ready as I thought for a move across the country. I am certainly not ready for whatever T holds for me in B's life. Openness to the level that I may see him weekly, or conversely closed to the point where I never see him, I cannot handle either right now.
I do have awesome friends in Washington. There's the new guy, who I am kind of fond of. He knows about B. He is the one that threatened to handcuff me and throw me on the plane, until T got a lawyer. So far, he is working out.
The best friend texted me this afternoon for the first time in a while. I miss him. He is thinking of having a child. I will be his surrogate when the time comes. Thankfully, he has to finish school first, so at least another year. As if my head wasn't spinning enough.
I get to go back on the job hunt now. There is always the option to go back to the company I worked for up to a month ago, but I really want a change. I also really want a paycheck, so we will see what happens first -- desperation or income. I am also moving out of mom's house, hopefully for the last time ever.
This next month will not be easy for me. I will be 25 in just a few days. New guy? He is planning to join the military soon so that should be fun. (If this works, I am trying to stay grounded.) I have to define my relationship in B's life somehow. Oh, and I have to tell T I am not moving. I haven't done that yet. I don't really want to talk to her right now.
With Love Always