Tuesday, February 22

Tell Me This Isn't Real

This blog post is something I never wanted to write. Seems that has been the theme lately. I am, for the record, dumbfounded. I also HATE where I am right now in the adoption world.
So everyone knows how small town USA works, right? Everyone knows everyone or at least everyone's cousin? In the small town H & T live in, (or I guess just T anymore), Erik's brother is a cop. That becomes important later.
I got a text this morning from T saying to call her when I had a few free minutes. As I was at work, I couldn't just then and told her it would be a bit. She said that was fine and just to call when I could. I figured she was having a rough day and needed to talk. Fair enough.
Then Erik called. Erik never calls. What he told me broke my heart, stomped on my stomach, flipped my brain and every other horrible thing you can think of -- almost. My Blake was fine but T and H got into an argument last night and T became physically violent with H. This. Is. Not. Cool. 
H left, figuring the kids didn't need to see it and he certainly did not need accusations against him, I am sure. He did the smart thing and went to the police station. Anyone see where this is going? Yup, Officer Erik's Bro (who couldnt pick H or T out of a lineup, he has never met them nor Blake) was the responding officer. H did not file a report, but the cops were sent to the house. Only after receiving a business card from Officer Erik's Bro did H know that it was indeed his 'relative'. Ten points for anonymous. 
The officers (who weren't relatives of Blake, thankfully) went to T's house and checked things out. No one pressed charges. Both H & T are safe, as are the kids. 
Those are the facts, as reported to me by Erik. 
Now, how the hell do I react to that? I did call T when I left work, who promptly told me everything was ok and hung up. Usually our phone calls end with an 'I love you'. Not this time. She just hung up. I know she has a lot going on, but now she is lying to and hiding things concerning my son's safety from me. This infuriates me. I know she needs me on her side, I know she needs friends, but this is certainly NOT the way to win me over. She has to know it has gotten back to me, as Officer Erik's Brother (OEB) was involved. OEB did not actually tell Erik what happened, only that he needed to call H. OEB actually thinks this whole thing is none of my or Erik's business. HAHA.Yeah, fat chance. 
So, what do I do? T is obviously stressed. I have never seen T violent before. I WILL NOT tolerate violence around children, especially not the fosters (that have been through so much) my son (!!) and the less than one year old twins. 
Erik says before I flip out, H, H's parents, T's parents, Erik and I should all have a conversation about the future of Blake in their family. Erik and I are both committed to Blake not losing the only family he has ever known. It is becoming evident that I cannot trust T. This means Blake (and the other kids, I hope) need to be in H's custody. Heck, H even said he would not be surprised if Erik or I fought for custody of Blake. I DO NOT want to do that. I will only if that is a last option. If that becomes necessary, Blake would still be in contact with his 'first' (second? IDK anymore) family. I would NEVER take him from them completely, or them from him. 
What, then, becomes of the other kids? I swear, I might be in jail if the fosters (I hate calling them that, but it is easier than explaining it over and over) lose a second family. No. Those kids deserve so much more than that. H loves them. T loves them. Maybe she just needs some time to calm down. Maybe...right now I hate her. I hate writing that. I hate thinking that. I hate feeling that. My love, however, for that family goes beyond my love for her. I will fight for those children to be together, safe, no matter whom that means they are with. I would die for any of the five. 
I have never really had a one on one conversation with H. I guess that is the next step. I do not want to 'wage war' against T. I want to salvage our relationship, I just do not know if I can. 

What do I do now? Anyone?

Oh yeah, and today was my last working day in Seattle. Thank God. I need to know the move is real right now or I might really go crazy.

With Love Always



  1. Woahwow!! Like times a million!! You have every right to be feeling all of these feelings. I like your idea about having a one on one with H and love Erik's idea of you all sitting down and talking. For some reason today I was talking about you to my mom(hope that is ok) i had a rush of worry or fear or pain for you.. how strange am I0:)? Im even more glad your making your way east word!! Sounds like you,T,H,Erik and B need some time together.. I would do the same for Cody if this happened to him!! You my friend are strong as nails.. Come on Thursday huh?! Dont think I could feel anything but hate either!! xo

  2. You are more than welcome to bring my story up to anyone you would like. Thursday. Oh Thursday. It helps so much to have people to discuss this with. I am not even telling my mom about the divorce until I have some grasp on what is happening -- she was opposed to the adoption to begin with. I forgot how fierce motherly instinct can be, even now. OOOh someone has awakened my momma bear!

  3. My gut reaction would be yes go get him right now!! That may not be the most logical or reasonable or even feasible option, but gut reactions are what they are. For the past little while I've known you, you've seemed to be a pretty sound decision maker, and I know you'll make the best one!

    I am so, so sorry about all of this! Tough spot to be in. :(

    (By the way this is Megan from group :D)

  4. MEGAN! Yeah, I am fighting myself not to go with my gut. What my heart wants and my head knows are two different things right now. I just...I just want Blake to be happy and healthy. Why isnt their a how to book for this?

  5. Ohmygoodness, Deb. This has gone from bad to worse and I can only imagine how you must feel. I wish I had wiser words to say to help, but I don't but did want to let you know that you have my support.

    Hugs honey!

  6. Well since we were talking that day, there's pretty much nothing I can say here that I didn't already say. You are a strong & wonderful woman. You are FABULOUS for not wanting to break up the kids by taking back your son. Like someone else said in the comments, my gut instinct was to say go and take B back right away. But that would be a hard decision to make just as leaving B with H or T would be. I think it's a great thing to plan to have a sit-down with H....just as it is to plan to have a sit-down with the whole family after you move. Yet another reason to be excited about your move home! :-)