Friday, January 14

Part 3, Where I give birth!

Seven months pregnant and laying on my back deck is where I left you guys, so that's where I will pick up.

Months seven and eight were pretty uneventful. I started to realize what adoption was, what was actually happening, but there were no real milestones. B's gender became evident just a few weeks before he was born. Yeah, I somehow found the one doctor left with a fuzzy, blurry 1980s ultrasound machine.
H & T didn't have a baby shower before he was born, and I do not blame them. I imagine this was a very scary time in their lives. At work, everyone knew my decision. I will write later about the reactions I got, but let's just say none were positive.
I worked right up until the day I went into labor. I had sort of planned it that way. The morning of September 14, 2007 I got up, like any other day, and went into work. I was less than productive that day.  I remember just feeling off. All I wanted to do was curl up and be alone, in a very instinctive sort of way. I left work early. I bet they placed odds on if I was going to give birth that night, but I didn't know what was happening. I went home, napped, and the bf and I decided we needed to eat.
I stood up to change and the gush happened. Like may women, I thought I had peed on myself. When I was still gushing ten seconds later, I knew. I called Erik into the room and told him that we weren't going to get food. When he asked why, all I could think of to tell him was 'I'm leaking!'
I suppose we should have had a birth plan. Instead of rushing me to the car or some other thing, he ran to the neighbors house to ask them what to do. The she neighbor walked over, found me seated on the toilet, had a chuckle and sent Erik back, with instructions that today was the day.
I dressed in clothes that I knew I would never see again (amniotic fluid just seems...gross to me) and stashed a towel or two between my legs. Into the car we both went. It was a stormy, beautiful night. We made it approximately six blocks. Erik decided that we should have taken the other car, and I was delirious with excitement, anticipation and ... horomones? I dont know, but back to the house we went. Cars were switched and we were off again. This time we made it two miles. The car was out of gas. After a brief pitstop, we were off.
Erik, no matter how I feel about him, amazed me that night. In a flash, we were at the hospital. I was still giggly. He called T and she met us at the hospital. For the rest of my life, I will always cherish what she said to us in the private moments on the elevator to L&D. She said 'You guys know, if you decide you can't do this, you can have all of our baby stuff.' Even now, I cry when I think of it. I don't even know if she remembers saying it.
Once we were checked in and into a room, the nurse came in and did what they do. I was 4 cm dialated. This was about 8 at night. By ten, I had an epidural and was settled in. I was still giddy. It was pretty fun, honestly. We took bets on what time B would be here. We snacked. I fell asleep on my hands and knees. Erik and T both slept off and on through the night, but neither ever left my side.
Sometime in the middle of that night, we realized B still did not have a name! I told T that there was not time like the present, that he was about to be here. Realization flashed across her face. This was real. She called H, and before long they settled on a name. Blake Edward. Now he could be born!
I even had fun pushing. It was strange. Lucky for me, I didnt push for too long. Every push I gave, he would descend, and get sucked right back up inside of me. Dr decided that a suction cup would help. Too bad B was hard headed! The Dr attached his suctioney thingy to B's head and pulled and pulled and pulled. POP! The suction broke. Blood flew everywhere. I thought B's head had come off! The dr thought that was hilarious and assured me that my baby was still on one piece. Next, forceps. Those did the trick. B was born at 7 something that morning (it's still a blur!). He was healthy, he was perfect.
I gave T the option of cutting the cord. He was her son. She declined, and Erik did it. He was born and quickly whisked away to the nursery. All I remember saying was 'Someone go with him, I can't let my baby start out life lonely.' Such is the worry of a mother.

Enough for tonight. Tomorrow, my reaction to his birth and going back to the real world!
With Love Always


  1. first off, i can't believe you think you are boring. this is an amazing story of love and hope. i just want to hug you and T and im so glad you are able to be so close.
    can't wait to read more of your story!

  2. Thank you! I never realized how theraputic it could be to write it all down. Bit by bit I am working through things I havent allowed myself to think of in years!