Where did we leave off? Oh yeah, we had just found out H was interested in adopting our child.
It couldn't have been a week later that we nervously went to their house. I imagine it was more awkward than I remember, because I only remember bits. I remember thinking 'oh, they smoke. That's no good for babies.' and 'They have this huge house. It will be perfect.' I must have been 3 months along at that point. Whatever was said that night, by the time we left they were soon to be parents.
Then <b>it</b> happened. Erik cheated. Not so important to this story, but important to me.
T went with me to every dr appt, met me at the hospital when I didn't think I would ever quit puking, and invited me into their house whenever I wanted to come by. H was just as welcoming and loving and awesome. He and I aren't nearly as close as T and I, but that is OK with me. T and I share something, and that is that we are mothers to an amazing boy. I watched them build his nursery, play with the children in their families, love one another and work for everything they had. They were it.
I found out when I was about 6 months along that they were also in foster parent classes. They had tried for seven years for a child, they could not handle the heartbreak of an empty house if we changed our minds. I was, and still am, so proud of them. When they graduated the classes, I was over the moon. Now they knew even more about raising a kid, and my child could have brothers or sisters. I was scared they would no longer want my baby, but it was just the opposite. They wanted him even more.
Not long after they got their foster license, they received the call. Three children, all taken via CPS, needed a place to sleep for the night. This was like a trial run to me, could they suddenly be parents? They looked like old pros. Suddenly their house was bustling. There were three kids all under 5. Daycares and lunches and toys and bedtimes. It made my heart scream. Yet I was still scared they would not want my baby. Now they had kids, what did they need me for? (I bet that sounds funny to you adoptive mommas out there!) T missed one appointment with me. She had kids to care for. It scared me even more. I bet she was just as scared.
I tried not to let myself fall in love with the baby growing inside me. Most of the time I felt as if it were someone else's child, like I was disconnected. I will never forget the night I fell in love with B though. We had moved from our crappy apartment to a house, complete with a back deck. It was nighttime, clear and beautiful. I laid under that deck staring at the stars for hours, with tears streaming down my face. I just kept telling B (whose gender we were still uncertain of until about two weeks before he was born!) that I loved him, that he should stay inside as long as he could because that was the only time he would ever be only mine. I looked at the stars and told him no matter what we would always be under the same stars, with love always. That is when it became real.
Part 3 shall come tomorrow. I'd hate to bore you guys ;)
With Love Always